Sometimes it's hard.

Everyday I struggle with the thoughts that I might not be good enough to achieve my goals in life. Slowly I deal with this and improve my outlook on the subject. Just a few moments ago I had those thoughts. Then I realized that out of my family, I am the first to actually have a desire to be something and am going to school to become that. I also realized that being the first, a sort of trail blazer is difficult when not having something to base your success on. Growing up within a family that didn't go or finish college can be a little discouraging. Being the first and having a sibling not able to go to college has landed a lot of expectation into my lap. This has added a lot of stress to being successful. I feel that if I don't graduate, I will be letting the family down. Talk about no pressure at all. :-\ At the same time I do feel that I am special in that respect. Being the first to finish college and to obtain two degrees will be a great achievement. :-) I do feel a sense of responsibility to raise my blood line up one more notch on the social level. For myself, my parents, my children, and their children. Like I said, no pressure at all.